Status: 8 weeks, 6 Days
So, this hasn't exactly been the best week for me. The emotional toll of pregnancy is just something that no one can prepare you for. The fact that you become consumed by this alien that has taken over your body is severely overwhelming, and the fact that no one really understands that is very lonely.
I mean, I know that pretty much every woman who has found herself in this state has felt similarly, but no one has specifically been in the exact same experience as you. Here is a list of things I have dealt with this week:
* Feeling like I am missing out on my family by having moved so far away
* Feeling like I will never be ME again because I cannot think of anything but the baby
* Feeling scared because another nurse at work is in the ICU in sepsis, on the verge of shock, because she got a kidney infection - and she's 6 months pregnant
* Freaking out because Legionnaire's disease has been discovered in the water system of the hospital I work at
* Completely losing it over little things, and feeling like my husband (while he SAYS he understands I am emotional) doesn't get it
I don't think he can understand what it's like to think that every little thing you do will effect someone else. That someone's very survival is dependent on you. I don't think anyone can get how frustrating it is to be scared to go to bed because you don't know if, when you wake up, it will be a good day or a bad day. Will I wake up and be happy and feel perfect, or will I be exhausted and wanting to throw up and stay in bed?
I guarantee that I am not easy to deal with, but I can also say that about 80% of the time, at least right now, that is not my fault.
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Just remember that even though he is not physically pregnant, Joel is certainly emotionally pregnant and also surely feels worried, concerned, elated, etc. And that is not just for the baby but also for you. You both will later look back on this time and hopefully celebrate its memories as wonderful ones.
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